…Mmmh so you joined College.

Its been awhile since i had a conversation with ma keyboard , aint like i have being busy doing something, just being around minding my own business wondering when jesus will come back because i have some rilly distubing news i wanna share with the son of man.

Anyway last night as i was out doing ma shopping i met this pretty young girl who was also doing her shopping, so as i moved out of the shop i mistakedly hit her with ma plastic bag…………………………



Dear motherland,

By the time you read this my body will be hanging from that tree, the very tree that we first met with my lover,it is here that it all started and it will end tonight.

I know when you wake up to the sight of a young man swinging by the tree lifeless ,cold as a freezer,you will think me a coward ,a fool ,mad,obsessed and a curse to this motherland. I know you will ask questions, try to find the logic in my reason,but that’s why am writing this to make it easy for you.

you see I lost the last hope I had in creation ,in religion, in the will to live to see another day, what for ? When the only one who made me wake up hopeful for a better tomorrow is no more,she’s lying somewhere six inches deep, not saying a word. The warmth in her hands ,the beauty in her smile,the tenderness in her caress ,the light in her eyes all is buried their with her and I can do nothing about it.

You want to know why I could not stay any longer without her ?why I could not move on? why I cryied a river on her demise? I will tell you why motherland.

It all started right on this tree,that day I was resting my back on this very branch am hanging on,then my love ,the most beautiful of girls was walking by the path,she was in a hurry but I could not help but notice how pretty she was. she saw me their staring at her ,and with a straight face she said hi! Imean who thought a girl like her would even stop to say hi to a guy like me ,the guy who’s always weird and alone.

That’s how we 1st met, I don’t want to give you the details cause whatever was between us will have to end with us and I need my body to be put right next to her so we can finally be together.I  can’t tell if I will make it to heaven because I know that’s where my angel is ,but if I don’t I won’t mind ,she already made it for me here.

I have taken my life because I could not live it ,not without a reason to .Where else could I have gone to when their is no one left  to go to , how else could I wish for another day when I can’t even live for today,tears have blinded my sight and sorrow has overtaken my mind , I can’t tell right from wrong who’s real and who is not .

The one who taught me about the Man above is no more,not even her religion,her dedication and prayers could bring her back ,I watched her fade away piece by piece ,the light in her eyes diminish , the beauty of her smile changed into constant mourning ,her pain was bone deep and their I was, could not even do anything about it helpless like an infant .And one night  the Cancer finally won .she said the pain was bearable and she smiled ,she asked me to be strong for her and I tried for a while but tonight LOVE I couldn’t hold my strength anymore.Am coming after you.

N/B:The article is entirely fictional and should not be taken literally.

My life…..

Albert Einstein once said,`if u judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live it’s whole life believing that it is stupid.’

I celebrated my birthday the other day ,everyone I know ( my three friends and a cat that comes to my house evernight )wished me a happy birthday.The wishes did not help that much ,I expected some chapos(my second love) and some whiskey (First love) but nuh, not even a 10 shillingi coin was handed to me.

They made me feel a little older (that feeling you get when your crush finally hugs you or gives you a peck)do you relate,yes ?I smiled  tha whole day like some guy promised to smash some mami later.

Anyway later into tha night ,I got this filling I could not shake ,I was one step to my extinction and what had I achieved ? what will this earth remember me for ,apart from ranting about how Kenyan women are a sorry lot ,peeping at my neighbours before I can run to the loo with only my boxers on, believing that spongebob will one day get married and get a retarded kid.

Repeat watching Lucifer and game of thrones for a hundredth time,listen to Ariana grande because I may or may not have a crush on her ,hate Justin bieber and trey songs for my breakup (my ex had a whole photo album of them and listen to their songs like her life depended on them) and being a man I am I don’t date girls who fantasise about Disney or watch soaps and expect me to be her  Alejandro,what the hell did she think I was, Romeo?

I evaluated my life for sometime,I needed to do something,jump off kicc, try a relationship ,(the only thing that I fear apart from my old man.)Give cloth donation to kanye West ,get tha balls to talk to my crush,anything not to go unnoticed.

But then I remembered daddy Owen sang ‘yote ni vanity,ooh ooh, vanity bila yesu ni vanity…’ I guess I need Jesus to sort me out.